5 Barriers to Setting Boundaries in Toxic Relationships
Do you find yourself in a lot of toxic relationships? If so, you’re not alone. A lot of us are struggling to set boundaries in our lives. I want to break down 5 barriers to setting boundaries in toxic relationships whether it’s with our family, friends, or romantic partners, it can be hard to know where to draw the line.
What’s even more difficult is enforcing these boundaries once we’ve set them. So what’s the #1 obstacle when it comes to setting boundaries? Lack of communication. Oftentimes, we’re afraid to speak up for ourselves because we don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. But in order to maintain a healthy relationship – with ourselves and others – we need to be able to communicate effectively. Here are some tips on how you can start setting better boundaries today!
PEOPLE PLEASING - WE WANT TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY AND AVOID CONFLICT AT ALL COSTS
People pleasing can seem like an act of kindness but, if it means always putting other people’s happiness before your own, you may be in a toxic relationship. Boundaries need to be set in order to maintain mental and physical health. Boundaries help us prioritize our needs and take control back from anyone else who is trying to control us with guilt or manipulation. It can feel uncomfortable at first, but once you start setting boundaries for yourself, it will become easier and you’ll be able to create more balance in your relationships and get back to making yourself happy again.
NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT OR DESERVE - IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, HOW CAN YOU COMMUNICATE THAT TO SOMEONE ELSE?
It can be hard to set boundaries in a toxic relationship if you don’t know what you want or deserve. Without clearly defined boundaries, feelings and emotions can build up, leading to resentment and flares of anger. It’s important to check-in with yourself every now and then and figure out what boundaries you need to protect your well-being. Talking through what boundaries work best for everyone involved can help both parties understand each other better and create an environment of mutual respect. Even though it takes some effort, knowing exactly what boundaries are necessary allows you to communicate those boundaries clearly so that everyone is on the same page. So take a step back, really ponder the boundaries you need, and speak up about them!
FEAR OF LOSING THE RELATIONSHIP - WE MIGHT THINK THAT IF WE SET BOUNDARIES, THE OTHER PERSON WILL LEAVE US
It can be incredibly unsettling to set boundaries in a toxic relationship, as we fear that it will drive away our partner. But in reality, boundaries are essential for healthy relationships—most people want boundaries to feel secure and taken care of. Without boundaries, we’re at risk of getting hurt and feeling uncertain or unsafe. It’s true that discussing boundaries may sometimes lead to an ugly confrontation or end up deciding the fate of the relationship—but that doesn’t mean you should agree to everything just to avoid loss. There’s nothing wrong with taking charge and setting boundaries in order to protect yourself—in fact, it’s actually empowering! So while it can be tough to draw the line, sometimes standing up for what you need is the right thing to do.
CODEPENDENCY - WHEN WE'RE TOO DEPENDENT ON SOMEONE ELSE, IT'S HARD TO SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
We all need a little bit of support from those around us, but codependency takes it too far. It can be hard to escape a relationship that has gone toxic, and boundaries are the key to doing so. We all have our own boundaries – physical, mental, and even emotional boundaries – and when we allow them to be crossed by someone else in a significant way, we become codependent on them. Setting boundaries is essential for first recognizing when a relationship is becoming unhealthy, and then determining what kind of power dynamics need to exist in order for you to feel safe again. Don’t ever let anyone else have control over your boundaries; remember that your boundaries are there for one reason only – to keep you safe!
GUILT - WE MIGHT FEEL GUILTY FOR SETTING BOUNDARIES BECAUSE WE THINK IT'S SELFISH
It’s no secret that setting boundaries in a toxic relationship can be difficult and gut-wrenching. Very often, guilt is a major factor that prevents us from standing up for our boundaries in these relationships; we question if it’s ‘selfish’ to take care of ourselves this way. Well, let me tell you something – boundaries are essential to keeping any kind of relationship healthy and balanced, and being unapologetically committed to your own well-being should always come first! We shouldn’t have to feel guilty for refusing people whose toxicity is draining our soul dry – pushing boundaries is an act of self-empowerment, not selfishness.
If you can’t set boundaries in your relationships, you’re going to end up feeling suffocated, drained, and unhappy. It’s not selfish to want healthy relationships where you feel like you can be yourself – it’s necessary for a happy life! If you’re struggling with setting boundaries, join our take up space challenge. We’ll help you master your boundaries so that you can have the healthy relationships that you deserve.
