Why You Deserve More Than the Bare Minimum in Love
When you’ve been through unhealthy relationships or even just grown up around emotionally distant love, it’s easy to start seeing the bare minimum as a big deal. A simple “Good morning” text? Wow. Someone who actually listens when you talk? Incredible. Someone who doesn’t cheat? A rare gem.
But let’s take a moment and call it like it is: the bare minimum is not a grand gesture. It’s not proof of deep love or long-term potential. It’s literally the least someone should do to be in a healthy, respectful relationship.
Let’s break down what bare minimum love can look like, and why you deserve way more than that.
1. Texting you back isn’t special, it’s basic respect
If someone replies to your messages, especially within a decent amount of time, that’s not them going above and beyond. That’s what respect looks like. But for so many of us, especially after being ghosted or breadcrumbed, that one text can feel like a romantic act.
Maybe you’ve caught yourself smiling just because they texted “Made it home safe” or “Hope your day’s going well.” It feels sweet, but let’s be real: that’s just standard courtesy. The bar has been on the floor for so long that we’ve started clapping for things that should already be there.
Instead of asking “Why are they so thoughtful?” maybe ask, “Why did I think this was rare?”
2. Not cheating isn’t a flex, it’s the foundation
We hear people say things like “He’s never cheated on me” like it’s a gold medal. But let’s not confuse fidelity with emotional depth or true partnership. Not cheating is not a gift, it’s a baseline expectation.
Think of it like this: You wouldn’t celebrate someone for not stealing from you. That’s just being a decent human. So why do we celebrate partners for doing what they’re supposed to do?
You deserve loyalty but even more than that, you deserve someone who’s present, emotionally available, and growing with you.
3. Being “nice” doesn’t mean they’re right for you
There’s a difference between someone being kind and someone being compatible. A lot of people can be nice, but still unavailable, selfish, or emotionally disconnected.
Say you’re dating someone who never raises their voice, compliments you often, and holds the door open but avoids deep conversations or shuts down anytime you bring up real feelings. It’s tempting to overlook that because they’re “so nice,” but kindness without connection can still leave you feeling lonely.
You’re allowed to want more than just someone who’s “not mean.” You’re allowed to want someone who actually meets you where you are.
4. Saying “I love you” doesn’t mean they show it
Words matter, but so do actions. Just because someone says they love you doesn’t mean they’re showing up for you emotionally, mentally, or even physically.
Let’s say your partner says “I love you” every day, but never checks in when you’re upset, doesn’t support your goals, and forgets the things that matter to you. That disconnect can be confusing, but it’s a sign: love isn’t just said, it’s shown.
You deserve love that feels like love, not love that only sounds good.
5. Doing the bare minimum and calling it effort is emotional manipulation
This is the hardest one to admit: sometimes, people give us crumbs and make it look like a feast. A birthday text, a half-planned date, a compliment out of nowhere, and suddenly we’re thinking, “Wow, they do care.”
But when those small moments are surrounded by inconsistency, indifference, or emotional neglect, they’re not actually signs of effort. They’re just enough to keep you hoping. And that’s not love, that’s someone trying to keep access to you without doing the real work.
If the “sweet moments” are the exception, not the rule, that’s not a relationship, it’s survival mode.
You deserve more than someone who texts back, doesn’t cheat, or remembers your name. You deserve someone who truly sees you, respects you, and shows up for you consistently, not just when it benefits them.
The bare minimum might feel comfortable when it’s all you’ve known, but that’s not the same as being loved well.
Raise the bar. Then watch who’s still capable of reaching it.
P.S. I’m talking more about this in this week’s newsletter: How to Get the Love You Deserve. If you’re not on the list yet, now’s a good time to join. I’d love to have you there. [CLICK THE BOX BELOW]
