If you’re like most professionals of color, women, men, or anyone you’ve probably been hurt at some point in your life. Whether it was by a family member, friend, or romantic partner, the pain can linger for a long time. But what if I told you that there was a way to trust again after being hurt?
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Here are tips to help you get started.
It’s normal to feel scared and alone after you’ve been hurt
Everyone has been hurt in some way or another, and we all know that trust can be hard to come by afterward. It’s gonna take a village to rebuild trust, no matter how corny that might sound. Meeting new people along the way might seem scary right now, but with time and patience, you’ll eventually learn to trust again and make more friends than ever. Pulling yourself back up won’t be an easy task, but it won’t be as daunting as you might think as there’s plenty of support around through family, friends, and even strangers if needed! There are plenty of people that you can be able to trust it’s going to be about if you allow them to be there for you. I love talking about this from my fav book boundaries, ” The mere act of letting the good in and keeping the bad out.
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Know that not everyone is going to hurt you
It sounds almost too obvious to consider, but trust me—not everyone is out to hurt you! Sure, the past can seem like a fog of moments when the trust was hard to come by. But the good news is that with trust comes strength: trust in yourself and trust in those around you who want only the best for you. It doesn’t always feel like it at first, but trust me—once you learn to trust after being hurt, it won’t take long before life becomes a whole lot brighter! A lot of this is about the mere act of you trusting yourself which means following through what you say you’re going to do.Â
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Give yourself time to heal, both emotionally and physically
When you’ve been hurt, the most important thing to remember is trust in yourself. Trusting in yourself is whats going to help with you being able to trust others. Life can be a bit of a roller coaster, and there are times when it’ll try to derail you from our path. That doesn’t mean you can’t do something about it – trust in yourself is key to getting back on track. Give yourself the time you need to heal both emotionally and physically – nothing like a little trust and self-care to get us feeling like ourselves again! Even if life does take an unexpected turn for you, trust that the experience will make you stronger in the long run.
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Talk to a therapist if you feel like you can’t cope on your own
Trying to trust after being hurt can feel like a losing battle at times. If you find yourself at the end of your rope, it might be time to lean on a professional therapist’s shoulder. A trusty therapist can give you the kind of much-needed comfort and support that will help you navigate through even the toughest times in life. Sometimes that trust isn’t easy to come by so save yourself some trouble and trust a trained therapist who can be there for you when tackling trust issues feels too hard to do alone.
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FORGIVE YOURSELF – IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT THAT YOU WERE HURT
Our wounds and scars can lie dormant for years, waiting to be triggered the next time someone does something similar. It sounds a bit dramatic but trust me, there’s a reason why some of us constantly trust from a distance. We all know what it means to be hurt and how it impacts us. It might not seem like it, but forgiving yourself is an essential part of moving on. After all, we cannot change what has already happened; we can only understand why it did and try to trust again in our own power and space that we’ve created for ourselves. So don’t forget: life goes on and to live with any sense of joy and vibrancy you must forgive yourself first. You never deserved the hurt you experienced and rehashing that past doesn’t help anyway – find ways to take care of yourself now!
START REBUILDING YOUR LIFE, ONE STEP AT A TIME
Taking the first step to starting over after being hurt can feel like an insurmountable task, but trust me: you can do it! Start rebuilding your life in pieces, from the ground up – trust that each smaller step will give you the momentum and support necessary as you progress. Break down big changes into a little bit easier ones that are actually manageable. Over time, these little improvements add up to larger and more meaningful changes that will help you get back on track. Plus, your trust in yourself builds with each accomplishment. Life is a journey one inch at a time. Take each step confidently and trust the process – soon enough it’ll have been totally worth it!
If you’ve been hurt, it’s normal to feel scared and alone. But know that not everyone is going to hurt you. Give yourself time to heal, both emotionally and physically. And if you feel like you can’t cope on your own, talk to a therapist. Forgive yourself – it wasn’t your fault that you were hurt. And then start rebuilding your life, one step at a time. If you need help, I have a Girl, It’s Not You Maintenance group for women of color in therapy or seeking maintenance support after leaving therapy. Come join us!
