Do you want to know how to stop struggling with friendships? Choose to be friends with yourself first!
I know, I know… Sounds cliche, but it’s the truth.
The way that you treat yourself is the way that you will allow others to treat you. So, if you can come up with a list of things that you wouldn’t want any of your friends to do to you… Or ask yourself how you’d want a friend to treat you…
What would that look like? After coming up with that response, take a moment to ask yourself this: If there was a version of you out there who did all of the things that you didn’t want to be done to you by a friend, would you be friends with you? I’m guessing the answer to that is absolutely not!
Friendships are not supposed to be difficult… They’re supposed to be exciting! Your friends should make you happy, not stress you out. They should allow you to be more of yourself than who people want you to be. You should always be free and open to express yourself without being judged, or attacked for who you are.
But let’s say that isn’t the case for you… Your friends drain you.. They don’t excite you… And they don’t make you happy either… That is not okay!
You are worthy of better friendships! I’ll let you in on a little secret… You are not obligated to remain friends with anybody and this is great news because you will rid yourself of so much pain and anguish after letting go of toxic friendships. Quality friendships over Quantity. The years you have been in these friendships are great. However, are they genuine quality friendships that are growing with you, or are they the same friend doing the same things you knew over 10 years ago. Let’s save this one for the third point. Keep reading to see the 3 things you need to know to stop struggling in friendships.
One of the hardest things that we have to do over the course of our lives is let go of people who no longer serve us. That statement can sound very selfish at times, but I’m going to take a moment to explain why it isn’t.
For starters, being selfish is when you are constantly taking from other people. However, self-care is when you are recharging and rejuvenating for you to be at your best. Secondly, friendships are about give and take, and if you have someone who is constantly taking, but never replenishing…. You will always be left feeling burnt out.
Picture this: You have a friend who is constantly dumping their problems onto you, always complaining about their lives, and consistently asking you for favors…. And while you’re always there for this friend, they are never there for you in the same capacity. Actually, they barely even put forth the effort to make sure that you’re okay, or that your mental/physical health is in tip-top shape…
Let’s get a little deeper, they hardly even ask if you had a good day, or not! My dear… That… Is a friend who is no longer serving you. If you ever get these sorts of vibes from any of your friends, let them go.
We talk about self-worth a lot and this ties into that because you are worthy of good friendships. You are worthy of people who don’t treat you like garbage. You are not wrong for setting healthy boundaries.
Most importantly, it is OK to let go! The right people will always gravitate towards you. It may take some time, but it’s important to do the work. After you’ve let go and these negative friendships start to subside when you are putting up your boundaries, you’ll begin to make room for the positive people and those are the people who will always be there.
Again, friendships should not be hard. Your tribe will uplift you and encourage you, not bring you down. They will only add value to your life and you deserve to experience that in your life!
If you are still interested in connecting with women who are like-minded, then you are going to love my community the “Growing Sisters Inner Circle” which are made for women like you who find themselves stuck in unhealthy family and friendships around them with no one who is willing to grow and do the work. This community has like-minded women that are doing the work who want to encourage and support you in your journey, You don’t have to go through this work alone. Make sure to sign up for the waitlist.
I know, I know… Sounds cliche, but it’s the truth.
The way that you treat yourself is the way that you will allow others to treat you. So, if you can come up with a list of things that you wouldn’t want any of your friends to do to you… Or ask yourself how you’d want a friend to treat you…
What would that look like? After coming up with that response, take a moment to ask yourself this: If there was a version of you out there who did all of the things that you didn’t want to be done to you by a friend, would you be friends with you? I’m guessing the answer to that is absolutely not!
Friendships are not supposed to be difficult… They’re supposed to be exciting! Your friends should make you happy, not stress you out. They should allow you to be more of yourself than who people want you to be. You should always be free and open to express yourself without being judged, or attacked for who you are.
But let’s say that isn’t the case for you… Your friends drain you.. They don’t excite you… And they don’t make you happy either… That is not okay!
You are worthy of better friendships! I’ll let you in on a little secret… You are not obligated to remain friends with anybody and this is great news because you will rid yourself of so much pain and anguish after letting go of toxic friendships. Quality friendships over Quantity. The years you have been in these friendships are great. However, are they genuine quality friendships that are growing with you, or are they the same friend doing the same things you knew over 10 years ago. Let’s save this one for the third point. Keep reading to see the 3 things you need to know to stop struggling in friendships.
1) Know When It’s Time to Let Go
2) Don’t Ignore the Signs
Alright, let’s reflect on the example that was used in the first half of the post, the friend who is always dumping their problems onto you. If you begin to notice that this is a constant occurrence, speak up for yourself, and please do not ignore the signs. They are showing you who they are and you have to allow their actions to speak for themselves. Speaking up for yourself could look like limiting the conversation or it can look like you expressing how you want to be able to talk about your day as well. Pay attention to how they treat you, or how attentive they are when you are expressing your feelings to them. If they show a lack of interest in the things that you want to talk about, leave them right where they are. You do not have to settle for one-sided friendships because you are not a one-sided friend. Also, the way that your friends speak to you is very important as well. If they feel like it’s okay to belittle you, call you out of your name, get mad at you every other day, talk over you whenever you’re speaking as if your opinion doesn’t matter, etc., you should probably think about removing yourself from the conversation… immediately.3) Quality Over Quantity
This part is extremely important! As a child, I really believed that it was better to have a lot of friends rather the few friends who really get me. I’m talking about the friends who I don’t have to change who I am it requires me to be who I am. I ended up learning the hard way that larger groups of friends tend to fall apart much quicker than smaller groups of friends. It was a tough pill to swallow, but I get it now. So, I am passing that information along to you. Remember, quality over quantity, ALWAYS! You want to have friends who you know you can depend on throughout your life and it’s easier to find these friends when you don’t have 1000 other friends that you have to worry about. Not only that, but it’s so much easier to get to know people on a deeper level when the numbers are lower. That’s when you can really get a better understanding of who they are as a person, which creates an even stronger bond and a stronger friendship. You don’t need to have 1000 friends in order to feel validated. You can validate yourself! However, it does help to have 1-3 friends who support you, encourage you, uplift you, speak life into you, adore you, and love you. That is what a good quality friendship looks like.
We talk about self-worth a lot and this ties into that because you are worthy of good friendships. You are worthy of people who don’t treat you like garbage. You are not wrong for setting healthy boundaries.
Most importantly, it is OK to let go! The right people will always gravitate towards you. It may take some time, but it’s important to do the work. After you’ve let go and these negative friendships start to subside when you are putting up your boundaries, you’ll begin to make room for the positive people and those are the people who will always be there.
Again, friendships should not be hard. Your tribe will uplift you and encourage you, not bring you down. They will only add value to your life and you deserve to experience that in your life!
If you are still interested in connecting with women who are like-minded, then you are going to love my community the “Growing Sisters Inner Circle” which are made for women like you who find themselves stuck in unhealthy family and friendships around them with no one who is willing to grow and do the work. This community has like-minded women that are doing the work who want to encourage and support you in your journey, You don’t have to go through this work alone. Make sure to sign up for the waitlist. 