If you are someone who feels overwhelmed, feels taken advantage of, and is stressed constantly you stopped making yourself a priority.  One of the key things I have noticed that women coming out of a toxic or narcissistic relationship, may find themselves in a toxic relationship or someone who is narcissistic is that you probably stopped making yourself a priority. A lot of times we are codependent when we stopped making ourselves a priority.  I talked about this in my post about being codependent when you get so wrapped up in the other person that you forget about yourself. Has it ever occurred to you that the most important relationship that you’ll ever be in is with yourself? Yes, you!   Now, I know it may sound crazy, but it’s so true. Learning how to make yourself a priority may take some work and it may feel overwhelming, but it’s necessary. Taking care of yourself is something that has to be put at the forefront of your mind because in doing so, you’ll realize how imperative it is in maintaining your well-being. Also, making yourself a priority will allow you to fully be able to show up for yourself, as well as others. Please remember though, you have to show up for yourself first. You deserve all of that love and energy (that you pour into others) to be poured right back into you. Here are a few tips on how to make yourself a priority this upcoming year:  

1) Practice Identifying with what you Feel

You’ve heard me say it in a post before (Struggling With Trusting Yourself… Here’s Why), your feelings matter, and they should be handled and treated with care. If you minimize the way that you feel, your feelings will always get pushed to the back burner and it will never be about you, but about everyone else. I teach this within my groups and one on ones you want to get really good at feeling so you can navigate the world as you need to.  Identify what you feel so we can start working through the next step. It’s okay to be vulnerable and it’s okay to not be okay. I think being able to feel gets a bad rap because I know it’s not always comfortable. What I teach in my groups is to get really good at feeling so you can move through your world as you need to. Becoming one with your emotions instead of rejecting them is something that we should all move towards. Feelings are there to help you figure out what your next steps are. If you are angry it’s because something has to stop and if anxious it’s a reminder that something needs to change. You have to be willing to accept yourself and what feelings are coming up. I want you to get curious about what’s making you feel the way you do. Are you feeling this way because of a situation from earlier?  Is it something from the past?  Nobody has the right to tell you how you should feel. Your feelings are valid simply because you are experiencing them.  I want you to get to the point where you are so in tune with yourself that you’ll be able to brush off whenever or whoever tries to tell you that you shouldn’t feel a certain way.  It takes time to get to this point and I know it may not be an easy task, but once you take that first step, nothing can hold you back.  

2) Figure out What You Need

In learning how to make yourself a priority. You first start with identifying how you feel then next is learning what you need. When figuring out what you need it’s going to take some self-awareness. I want you to think about what is it that you need for you to feel at least 2% better at this moment.  You have needs that can make you feel loved, appreciated, respected, valued, joyful, full, excited, etc. It’s possible that you can grow accustomed to believing that these things need to come from a significant other, friends, or family members. Let me share something with you that may blow your mind. You can give all of that to yourself! Of course it would be nice to receive those things from someone else because it makes you feel great about yourself, but the best version of all of the things that I listed come directly from you.  If you loved yourself the way you wanted to be loved? What would you do right now? Do you need physical touch? (Hug, petting your dog etc..) Do you need words of affirmation? Do you need encouragement? Do you need time spent doing hobbies or things you love? Or do you simply need a break? Whatever it may be, figure out what you need and fully submerge yourself into it. Neglecting yourself is never healthy and it can lead to unhealthy habits, such as denying that you have needs, or self-sabotaging because you don’t feel like your needs are important. Remember, YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

3) Follow through with it

Taking action is going to be so key in learning how to make yourself a priority. You literally are not able to be fully there for others if you do not take care of yourself. Following through with what you need is imperative because it’s a big part of your growth AND your healing. Not following through with it can honestly be considered a form of self-betrayal.  I want you to realize when you don’t follow through with what you need the other person feels great about it however you are left upset, anxious, and/or stressed. Who really wants to betray themselves? Nobody! So, you have to begin to trust that you’re feelings are valid and then start considering what you can do to take action. That goes hand in hand with figuring out what you need because it’ll help you figure out what action(s) should be taken in order to follow through with those needs. You deserve consistency and commitment… So, work on being consistent and committed to yourself. That will give you even more of a reason to follow through with the things that you need. If you are having trouble doing so, my Feel To Heal Journal has helped women, who I’ve worked with, figure out which steps should be taken next.     You begin to build a solid foundation of trust between you and yourself when you stop viewing your needs as a burden but as an essential part of your life. You are not wrong for requiring more from yourself because you should be a priority. You have an obligation to take care of yourself and it is okay to tell people “no”, especially when you’re choosing your peace of mind over what someone else wants for you. There are so many aspects of life that often have a way of pulling us away from the things that we need to do for ourselves. However, once you’re able to recognize what those things are, identify with what they are, figure out what you need, and follow through with those needs, you will begin to see a positive change in your life. Remember, life is a continuous growth process and even if you have to learn, or relearn how to make yourself a priority, just know that you are doing a wonderful job.   You want more check out post below and sign up for the VIP list with no cost to you but tips every Wednesday right to your inbox. Click here now to sign up