3 Mistakes You’re Making When Dealing with a Narcissist
When it comes to dealing with a narcissist you have to know what to expect and what to look out for. I recently finished a cycle of the support group, Life After a Narcissist, which went amazingly well. It was great to see the transformations that the individuals developed within 6 weeks. As the next cycle approaches, I find that I’ve recently gotten questions and heard stories of the women/men who are dealing with a narcissist in their life.
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Here’s a quick breakdown of how to tell if you have a narcissist in your life.
Narcissist tend to:
- Crave admiration and acknowledgment
- Is superior and grandiose (skilled at attracting, seducing, and influencing others to win praise and favor)
- Believe that they are special and should associate with high-status people or institutions
- Lacks emotional empathy
- Arrogant
- Being preoccupied with success, beauty, love and power
There are generally two types of narcissists- overt and covert.
Overt narcissists are those that are easily noticed by others. These people tend to exhibit the behavior mentioned above. However, the covert narcissist is very subtle, happens gradually, and far more challenging to detect.
A covert narcissist is someone who wants admiration and importance but also lacks empathy for those around them but does not act in the same way as the overt narcissist. Covert narcissists are more introverted. Those that are dealing with covert narcissists tend to fall for the manipulations without realizing it until their feeling a sense of emotional pain, notice the feeling of being in a one-sided relationship or the reciprocity within the relationship.
The overt narcissist will want your admiration and attention. This type of narcissist is fairly easy to detect, but covert narcissists use softer tactics to meet the same outcome of admiration and attention. Coverts will want constant reassurance for themselves while looking for others to feed the need for self-importance.
Narcissistic tactics can create a sense of:
- Feeling blame or shame for yourself
- Disregard your feelings which can lead to codependency
- Emotional/mental abuse (making you think you are not important by their manipulative tactics)
- Create confusion (making you second guess yourself which can lead to not trusting yourself)
Often times, these tactics can make you feel like you personally have done something wrong and lead to you to feel as though you can’t permanently leave the relationship. I remember struggling to get out of this cycle with the narcissist in my life.
If you want a change and are tired of the feelings of blame, confusion and mental abuse, consider joining my small, intimate support group. Click Here to Learn More about Life After a Narcissist Support Group and join the waitlist
1) Your Expectations
One mistake you are making during or after a narcissist relationship, is having too high of expectations of yourself and the narcissist. You’re probably feeling like you need to push through or defend yourself. This can cause you to feel anxious and overwhelmed because you’re trying to prove yourself. You want to be able to put your energy where you know that you will be heard. If the expectation is for you to be heard but the other person continuously shows you they will not listen, I invite you to put the attention on yourself without feeling the need to try to prove yourself. When it comes to the narcissistic individual, I want you to be able to adjust your expectations on what they could be and see them how they are currently. This means that you may need to limit or eliminate contact with them. Adjusting your expectations will help you figure out what to do next. In the Life After a Narcissist group, we go over whether you want to stay or leave the relationship in Week 4 and how to go about it.
2) Forgetting About You
Another common mistake when dealing with a Narcissist is forgetting about how you feel. Narcissistic relationships can make you feel like you’re going crazy.You tend to get wrapped up in the other person’s problems that you forget about yourself. I talk about this further in my codependency post. You start to take over responsibility for other people’s problems and somehow make them your own. This is a mistake because you’re causing yourself stress and anxiety about something that is not your responsibility. I want you to invest in yourself and the person that you are becoming. You invest in yourself by doing self-care, following through with your needs, and finding healthy supportive network.
If you want more information on how to focus on you click here
3) Your Community Thinks that You Have to Go Through It Alone
The last mistake when dealing with a narcissist is that you may think you are alone in feeling this way. When going into a narcissistic or toxic relationship, people think that it’s simple to just leave, but detachment has to take place. When you have a support group that understands and can relate to what you’re going through, the healing process comes along quicker. Friends and family can get tired of hearing the same story, so having someone in an intimate group of people can make a world of difference. I want you to know that you deserve to be heard and seen and know that you don’t have to go through this process alone.
Yes, individual sessions are great but adding it on with the group component is also key in the process. Get a community that gets you and can support you if you are struggling to find one or don’t have any healthy relationships around you.
Join our support group LIfe After Dealing with a Narcissist and get a Free 15 min consultation call with me.
Have you been doing any of these mistakes? Let me know below.
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