Codependency… I’m sure you’ve heard of it, but what does it mean?

I want to break down what it means so you have an overall idea of how to tell if you or someone you know is codependent.

Have you ever noticed that you’re relying on another person’s feelings to get through your day?

For example, your boyfriend/girlfriend is upset with you.  Do you find that it tends to ruin your whole day?

Perhaps you noticed that your significant other is sad. Do you feel compelled to fix how they feel?

What if your partner doesn’t answer the phone? Do you call them over and over again? Do you experience an overwhelming sense of anxiety because of this?

There are many types and variations of codependency. Here’s some examples to see if you can relate to any of these specific situations/feelings.

Codependency can determine whether you’re in a healthy relationship or not. Relationships can be addictive when toxic and fueled by abusive behavior. Codependency can easily affect only one person in the relationship. This results in emotional distress because you can be become fixated on the other person’s feelings. Ultimately, you’ll neglect how you’re feeling because you’re focused on your partner.

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It can be difficult to tell whether you’re codependent or not. Here are 4 signs of codependent behavior.

Do you worry about what others think so much that you often forget or disregard how you’re feeling? This can happen when you agree to things you really don’t want to do because you’re worried about how someone else will feel. Do you feel anxious when others are mad at you? Perhaps you’re in a situation that warrants your frustration. Even then, are you focused on fixing another person’s feelings?

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Lack of boundaries can easily trick us into thinking that we have more control than we actually do. I love talking about this with my clients because they often believe that they have control over someone’s behavior, actions, and responses. They might even do a multitude of things to ease their anxiety. We tend to justify or reason with ourselves when put in this position. The worrying and obsessive behavior will not prevent your partner from talking to someone else though we’ve conditioned our minds to believe that if we worry enough, it will somehow prevent the outcome. Unfortunately, this is not the case. You only have control over your actions, how you respond, your thoughts, and your efforts. We do not have control over someone else’s thoughts, how they perceive you, their behavior, and their actions. Codependency can have you feeling that you have an exaggerated sense of responsibility.

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Codependency can show up by constantly have the fear of being alone. The fear of being alone often results in anxious thoughts and a lack of boundaries. You might stay in relationships past their due date when you’re afraid to be alone. The fear can have you staying in one-sided relationships, abusive relationships, or ones that can emotionally deplete you. I want to show you how to start the process of being able to love yourself and find out who you are without mental abuse or judgment. You forget about yourself because fear can have you feeling stuck. I want you to know that you are not stuck, but it’s going to require the work of facing yourself. If you’re ready, please know that I’m here to help.

Another sign of codependent behavior is that you’re focusing on other people’s problems to avoid your own. You might feel obligated to fix your family’s, friend’s, and partner’s problems. You’re probably worried that they’d be lost or become unable to function without assistance, thus resulting in the exaggerated sense of responsibility mentioned earlier. This can take away from your ability to focus on yourself. I invite you to take time to break free from the stress of worrying so much about other people’s problems. It could be challenging but incredibly beneficial to choose to invest in yourself and take much-needed time for yourself.

I can recall exactly how I felt when I realized I was codependent in my relationship with my ex-husband. I remember worrying about how he perceived me, meanwhile I was losing myself. Take this time to know it is possible to recover after knowing these signs and struggles.

Does any of this resonate with you? Let me know below.