Boundaries? What Boundaries? A Guide to Setting Limits in Your Relationships
Do you dread setting limits with partners, friends and family because of their reaction? Do you sometimes find yourself feeling guilty after trying to keep your boundaries in place? If so, it’s likely time to take back the power! Setting boundaries is an essential part of forming meaningful relationships – but as survivors of toxic relationships and environments, we can often be hesitant or unsure about how to go about doing this. It’s not easy for anyone – but especially for Black women and men who had boundary-less childhoods or upbringings that centered someone else’s needs above all else. That’s why I’m here to help! In this blog post I’m walking through what boundaries are (yes there is a definition!) how they look in your life, and tips on how to let people know where yours lie without coming across as standoffish or unapproachable. Let’s dive right into setting some boundaries together!
WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES AND WHY DO THEY MATTER IN RELATIONSHIPS
Healthy relationships are not a one-way street – boundaries matter! If boundaries aren’t established early on, this can often lead to negative patterns in the relationship. I provide comprehensive support for my clients to create boundaries using assertive and direct communication. This allows them to become aware of their boundaries and learn how to communicate them clearly. Boundaries help us figure out where we end and another person starts, as well as our separate identities. I help my clients understand that boundaries create safety and security in a relationship, as well as mutual respect and trust. It’s time to learn new behaviors! So if you’re ready to find healthy relationships, remember boundaries are our friends!
TIPS FOR SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR PARTNER
Creating healthy boundaries with your partner is a key to any successful relationship and yet, is so often overlooked. As a black toxic relationship recovery expert, I’m here to help you learn how to advocate for yourself and set boundaries within your current relationships. Healthy boundaries are every bit as important as communication and respect in order to foster positive relationships with romantic partners. When boundaries are set, you create an environment in which everyone can thrive while respecting each other’s individual needs – and that’s something we should all be aiming for! It takes practice, but it can make all the difference in the world when it comes to establishing boundaries with your partner. So take my advice and make those boundaries count.
Sometimes it’s hard to see how this all works. Here is a short example that hopefully helps to see a boundary that we can use. In this example, we are going to use Maya
Maya found herself in a toxic relationship with a man who didn’t appreciate her worth. He constantly belittled her and made her feel small, but Maya refused to be treated that way any longer.
One day, as they sat down for dinner, he started criticizing the way she cooked the meal. (Notice Maya is paying attention to how she feels and says something) Maya had enough. She looked him straight in the eye and said, “Listen here, I don’t like that you are criticizing me when I’m doing something for us.”
The man was taken aback by Maya’s newfound confidence and tried to backtrack, but she wasn’t having it. She decided to let him cook the meal instead. ( Know you can have your own personal limit of how you want things to go) Setting boundaries was hard work, but it was necessary for her mental health and self-worth.
When It’s Time To Walk Away - How to Know When a Relationship Is Not Worth Saving.
When it comes to relationships, boundaries are key. But boundaries can only do so much for an unhealthy relationship. Knowing when it’s time to walk away from a toxic or narcissistic relationship is not always clear and easy, which is why I created the Are You in a Toxic Relationship quiz. This quiz helps you understand if your current dynamics and behaviors merit a deeper assessment towards possible changes – or even letting go of the connection altogether. After taking the quiz, you’ll know whether the time has come to save this relationship or to move on knowing that a healthy and nourishing connection awaits you on the other side.
How to Reclaim Your Power After a Toxic Relationship
Reclaiming your power after a toxic relationship can be one of the most empowering and liberating experiences you’ll ever embark on. But healing from such an experience is rarely instantaneous, and boundaries must be established in order to reclaim ownership of your life. When boundaries are respected and honored, you are able to step into your power with newfound confidence and insight. It can take time, but with the right help, you can break away from manipulative relationships and transform into an unshakeable version of yourself while still being open to connection. You’re stronger than you think, and as a black therapist who specializes in toxic relationship recovery, I’d love to support you on this journey of transformation — so don’t be afraid to reach out!
Common Misconceptions About Boundaries and How to Overcome Them
It’s no secret that boundaries can be extremely hard to establish and maintain, especially in toxic or narcissistic relationships. As a black therapist who is an expert with toxic relationship recovery, I see a huge misconception among men and women of color about boundaries – the idea that boundaries are a sign of weakness or interference with being “in love.” This couldn’t be further from the truth! Establishing boundaries is all about taking control of your life and making sure that you prioritize yourself and your own needs over those of someone else. In doing so, you can achieve healthy and nourishing relationships free from toxicity. Here’s the challenge: break through years of conditioning to create boundaries around your own self-care and truth – it’s worth it!
REAL-LIFE EXAMPLES OF SUCCESSFUL BOUNDARY SETTINGS IN RELATIONSHIPS
Being in a relationship should be a compliment to your life, not something that you have to adjust all of your boundaries around. Setting boundaries is an essential skill and part of self-care when it comes to relationships — no matter if you’re newly dating someone or if it’s a long-term commitment. A good way to remember boundaries is the SELENA technique: share, enforce, listen, ask questions, negotiate agreements and assess safety. Being able to put boundaries in place and having them respected can be incredibly empowering; it shows you don’t need anyone else’s approval for decisions in your life. I’ve seen it firsthand with many of my black clients who are ready to take back control of their lives and relationships. Establishing boundaries isn’t about acting tough or pushing people away; by setting boundaries with respect and care can improve relationships by helping people become more in touch with what works for them. So don’t be afraid — reclaim your boundaries, recognize that boundaries should work both ways, and watch yourself become liberated from toxic/narcissistic relationship dynamics.
All in all, setting boundaries with your partner is an essential step for having a successful, healthy relationship. It’s not only important to set boundaries, but also to maintain them. No matter the type of toxic relationship you have been in, you need to recognize that it’s time for you to reclaim your power and walk away if needed. Empowering yourself by setting and maintaining healthy boundaries reinforces that you matter. So don’t be afraid to stand up and make sure your voice is heard! You deserve loving, safe relationships where both parties are respected and heard — so take control of your life today! Let’s reach higher levels of self-love together; it’s time for real growth!
