How many of us have ignored the signs of an unhealthy relationship? Well, if you haven’t, I can attest to the fact that I certainly have. As a matter of fact, I’ve ignored the signs on several occasions. I must say, those were not my proudest moments and at the time, I was in an extremely vulnerable state. Oh, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Fortunately, those situations allowed me to grow in many ways because they gave me the ability to spot the red flags much quicker.  If you have trouble with this make sure to get on the waitlist for the UnBothered Program. You knowing these red flag signs, that is what I want for you, friend! If you are currently dealing with an unhealthy relationship, I want you to know that there is a way out.   You can overcome your current circumstances and you will overcome them if you put in the work into yourself. It is important to note that sometimes, we may be blinded by the love that we have for that specific person and that is ok. What’s not ok is the unwillingness to free ourselves from the toxicity that often surrounds this unhealthy relationship. That being said, I am going to give you 5 signs of an unhealthy relationship so that you can begin to work through the things that may be holding you back from putting yourself first.

 

1) Are they Controlling?

The thing about control is that it comes in many different shapes and sizes. It may start with something small that you may not even realize, or it may form as something bigger that is a bit more noticeable. Control leads you to believe that the things you’re interested in have no meaning. As time progresses, you may start to believe that your decisions, likes, aspirations and desires don’t matter. This is a red flag! You are not someone who can be silenced because you have a voice and your voice is important. Continue to stand your ground and find ways to get away from whoever is trying to control YOUR narrative. There is no space for anyone who is not willing to accept every part of you.  

2) Does he play the Victim?

Have you ever met someone who is unable to take responsibility for their actions? Someone who feels like the world is always against them? These are signs of someone who “plays the victim” in an unhealthy relationship. Often times, these people will gaslight you into believing that whatever they did to you was in direct relation to their circumstances. They aren’t willing to admit the fact that they were wrong, so they play the victim to make it appear as if they’re innocent. They also have the tendency to guilt trip you into believing that the entire world is against them and that everything they’re going through is worse than what anyone else is going through. You may even begin to feel so bad for this person that you forgive them no matter how bad that they’ve mistreated you. This is narcissistic behavior and it is something that you need to stray far away from. Take charge over your life and do not give anyone the power to pull you into this trap.  

3) Is the blame constantly on you? (Blame Game)

The blame game is such an unfair game and sadly, it rears its ugly head in a lot of relationships. Whenever this person may be going through something, It’s always someone else’s fault and they have a “woe is me” complex. These people will make you believe that you are the problem and that everything that may have gone wrong in your relationship is all because of you. They can never take full responsibility for their actions because they’ve convinced themselves that they’re always right. They also have trouble admitting when they’re wrong and instead of trying to make things better, they’ll blame it on you, or they’ll blame it on the next person. Please hear me when I say that you are not the problem. They are projecting their emotions onto you because you are the closest person to them. Understand that you are only human and that they have some serious healing that needs to take place in their lives. If you find yourself struggling with saying No download free guide to help you guide  

4) Are they dishonest?

It is incredibly disappointing when you are dealing with a dishonest person, especially if they are close to you. When it comes to relationships, trust is the root and everything else grows from that root. How can you stay with someone who is untrustworthy? The quick answer to that is: you simply cannot. You deserve to be showered with honesty and trustworthiness and you should settle for nothing less than that. When you begin to have doubts about the things that you’re being told, please take that as a sign that something may not be right. Also, always ask follow-up questions to get clarification and never allow anyone to make you feel like you are wrong for doing so. You have the right to speak up and to speak on the things that you feel strongly about. Take up space. Your voice matters 💗   

5) Can you be yourself? 

Listen, if your relationship ever gets to a point where you can’t be yourself… Run. Do not stop to look at the scenery… Don’t stop to collect $200 dollars… Run as fast as you can and do not look back. This typically starts to happen after the previous signs have taken place and more times than not, your family and friends will notice it first. You’ll get to a point where you feel so lost that you don’t even recognize who you are anymore. The things that were once important to you become less and less interesting and you become less motivated. I’m here to remind you that you are too beautiful, bright, resilient, powerful, impactful, kind, courageous, etc. (the list goes on) to allow anyone to dim your light. You do not have to stay in a relationship with someone who refuses to see how amazing you truly are. CHOOSE YOURSELF FIRST and remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with who you are. Please, do not diminish your worth in order to keep someone who doesn’t value it. If you have a hard time making a decision. I love being able to keep this quote in mind.

“If it comes down between saving your relationship or saving your soul. I hope you choose to save your soul.” -Glennon Dole

Go where you are loved, welcomed, and celebrated. At no point should you ever have to accept anything that doesn’t invite those good things into your life? Unhealthy relationships can cause you to feel horrible about yourself and about the people that you may attract, but they are not a reflection of who you are as a woman. It is just another part of your journey on this train that we call life and you should have peace in knowing that you are able to hop off at any stop. Try out my 90 Day Feel to Heal Journal (Digital or Paperback) to begin your healing journey after dealing with an unhealthy relationship.